Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

I haven't done one of these in a while and I wanted to laugh so here goes:

"I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!"

I may have used this one before but it's just so funny I had to use it again. LOL.

Deep Thoughts - by Jack Handy

I haven't posted one of these for a while, thought I would give you all a laugh. (For those of you who find Jack Handy funny that is):

"I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then, after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it science?"

What?

Both my kids are still sleeping, it's 8:00 in the morning. So what am I doing up you might ask? I don't know?!! But I do have a deep thought for you today by Jack Handy:

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off, Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

A little Handy to lighten your day

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

Deep Thought of the Week

I heard some of you were missing the Deep Thoughts, so here is one for you.

I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese? They probably break down into their various gases before they even hit the ground.

Deep Thought of the Week

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, 'You can't throw chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish.' Sure they eat fish, if that's all you give them. Man, wise up.

Deep Thought of the Week

I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he would eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.

Deep Thought of the Week

I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, I also wish my last name was Blankenship.

Deep Thought of the Week

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

Deep Thought of the Week

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

I thought that I would put one of these on once a week. They always gave me a good laugh, and bring back good memories. I hope you enjoy them too. He has a different sense of humor so you will either think these are hilarious, or you will think they are lame. Here is this weeks:

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late."