The good the bad and the ugly

I wouldn't say that I'm much of a complainer by nature. Usually when I encounter a challenge I just kind of put my head down and power through (like George Michael Sr. says). I do however like to look at things logically and try to figure them out. The only time I start to whine and complain is when the problem isn't getting better or going away despite my greatest efforts to overcome it. My hope in writing this post is to prove to myself that the good does in fact outweigh the bad and the ugly even though I am feeling so defeated.

So here is the good: I'm pregnant with what looks like so far a healthy baby.

The bad: I feel like crap. I have to make myself eat every two hours so I don't throw up and still I want to throw up but then I don't because I know that won't help me feel better. With my last two pregnancies this nausea lasted 7 months. Just knowing that I may feel this way for a long time to come depresses me.

The ugly: I'm just not myself. I've stopped playing with my kids for the most part, don't make dinner bc the evening is when I'm the sickest, don't hang out with friends, can barely keep up with the house chores, and just want to sleep all day so the time passes quickly, also because that's the only time I don't feel sick is when I'm asleep.

I keep praying, every night that by some miracle the nausea won't last past the first trimester. I also repent every night for being such a baby about all of this. It's not like this pregnancy is any worse than the other two. The difference is I was working with the other two so I guess I just got used to forcing myself to get to work and I focused on other things. At home it's easier to get stuck inside my own problems. Also, making food all the time for the kids and myself is just driving me crazy! And for those of you who have kids, you know they take a lot of energy. I try to plan something every day where they can play and have fun so they won't see me moping around all day.

But I want to look at the positives.... my husband has been 100% more supportive during this pregnancy than he was with the last two. Not because he didn't want to be before, I just think he didn't really get it. I don't look terribly ill (hopefully). I can still get up and do things for the most part. And when I was going to work he didn't see me throwing up all day and all that. He's just more compassionate this time. He doesn't get mad at me for not making dinner, and more than that he doesn't complain. He just makes something for himself. He's been picking up so much of the slack in the housework. He does the dishes, laundry, cleans up the house, organizes, does the grocery shopping. Which I'm so grateful for. He encourages me, by telling me that this is the last time I have to do this. (: And that we're going to have a beautiful baby, and the time will go by faster than I think. I really, really need to hear all of these things.

My kids have been playing well together. They normally fight, then watch tv or eat, then fight again. But lately since I've backed off a little more with the playing aspect, they've come up with things to play together, like they take care of their stuffed animals and play doctor with them. They've even started to clean up the house on their own! With a little help from the "clean up music" that they've discovered from their new keyboard. One thing that's made me smile lately is the conversations they have when they think I'm not listening. They are just about little things like knots in hair. But they make me smile and make me grateful for these little people in my life.
There it is in a nutshell, the good the bad and the ugly. Looks like the good does outweigh it all, which it usually does when you take time to write it all out, so I'm glad that I did.

So what can I learn from all of this.... How to empathize with those who have chronic pain or illnesses.? To not take feeling good for granted? How to rely more on the Lord on a daily basis? Maybe all of these things. If I can learn something to help me in the future from all of this then that is another positive.